Supporting Kids Through Uncertainty: A Caregiver's Guide
When big things happen in our community and world, our kids notice. They overhear conversations, pick up on our emotions, and sometimes come home with questions we don't feel ready to answer. As caregivers, we want to protect our children… but we also know that pretending everything is fine doesn't help them feel safe.
What does help? Creating space for their feelings, offering age-appropriate honesty, and reminding them that they are loved, protected, and not alone.
Thank you, Authentic You Counseling, for providing the following resource for caregivers with practical tools for navigating conversations with care and compassion.
How do we help kids feel safe when the world feels uncertain?
As caregivers, we can help our kids feel safe in an uncertain world by creating a place where their feelings are seen, named, and normalized. Children do not need all of the answers. They need reassurance that trusted adults can handle hard things and will be there for them no matter what. As caregivers, we model calm. We do this by not pretending everything is fine, but by showing that fear and hope can exist together. Big emotions are valid. Normalize them. When children feel heard, protected, and connected, their nervous system learns that even when the world feels scary and shaky, they are safe and supported.
How can we invite conversation without increasing fear?
As caregivers, we can invite conversation with curiosity and not correction.
Examples: “What have you heard, what are you wondering about, what part feels confusing or scary?”
Ask them what they have heard before sharing anything new. Keep explanations simple and age-appropriate. Avoid scary details and remind them that adults are working to keep families safe.
Examples: “What was it like to hear that? How do you feel? What is your body telling you when you think about that?”
Then empathize with safety and connection. When kids feel listened to and reassured, fear softens and trust can grow.
Examples: “You are not alone. I feel this too. It is okay to feel this way.”
What helps children feel grounded, seen, and supported?
Our goal isn’t to shield them from reality but help their bodies and hearts feel safe while we try to make sense of it ourselves. Start by inviting them to share what they heard, listening more than explaining. Remind them that their feelings are valid: worry, sadness, confusion, anger, etc., are all normal for an abnormal situation.
Grounding tools like slow breathing, drawing, routines, movement, and connection can help calm big emotions when fears feel overwhelming. Reassure them that they are not alone and that you are there to support and care for them. When children feel seen, heard, and anchored in safety, they are better able to cope with hard topics without carrying fear on their own.
Some examples of grounding tools to use when we feel uneasy or uncertain:
Deep Breathing: Kids respond well to imagery.
Balloon Breathing: “Pretend your belly is a balloon, let’s fill it up slowly.”
Smell the Flower, Blow the Candle: Inhale like you are smelling a flower, exhale like you are blowing out a candle.
Square Breathing: Trace a square with your finger while breathing in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4. Repeat.
Hold cubes of ice in your hand or splash cold water on your face: This brings you back to your body when you feel heavy emotions.
Stomp your feet or push against a wall: Move the rage through your body to release tension and frustration.
Smell something: This could be anything. This helps reorientate your senses
Cover yourself with something cozy, soft, and warm: Pressure can calm down our nervous system in a gentle way.
Worry Box: This can help externalize our fears and worries so it does not stay in the body.
Have the child write or draw their worry.
Place it in the jar.
Say: “Your worry is safe here. You don’t have to carry it right now.”
Then practice some other grounding skills.
What’s an age-appropriate way to talk about things kids may hear elsewhere?
Emotions, big and small, are normal in abnormal situations. Pause and take time for yourself before diving into these tough conversations. Be gentle to yourself. When talking to your child, start by regulating yourself first. Kids learn from observing. When we feel overwhelmed as caregivers, kids can mimic behaviors. When our nervous systems are grounded, we feel safer. Here are some tips and steps to help navigate this conversation when talking with your kids:
Stay calm: Again, pause and take time for yourself. What do you notice? How do you feel? What do you notice in your body? How am I taking good, kind care of myself and my needs? Children can sense when adults are feeling big feelings. Take a moment to pause and breathe. Yes, caregivers, you deserve this too. Your feelings are valid.
Normalize your emotions: Maybe it is saying, “mommy and daddy are feeling sad today, and that is okay.”
Allow them to share what they heard: Allowing them to share may help you figure out how to navigate the next steps.
Ask them: “What was it like to hear that?” What does your body feel when you think about it?” Kids can pick up fragments of information that do not always make sense.
Gently restate the facts in simple language. Tailor your conversation to your child’s age, maturity level, and ability to understand complex issues.
Examples might be:
“Some families are not being treated nicely because of where they were born. Not because they did anything wrong, but because others make guesses about them based on how they look. This is not kind.”
“ Some adults were involved in a serious, scary situation.”- without adding all of the frightening facts and difficult words.
Emphasize safety and care: listen to your children and affirm their emotions. Reassure your children that you are there to answer questions and keep them safe. Validate feelings and offer comfort through connection and predictable routines. Predictability helps with comfort and emotion regulation. This helps children feel connected, heard, supported, and grounded even when the world feels scary.
Maybe it is saying: “It is okay to have moments of sadness and fear”.
Another example: “It is okay to feel worried or sad when you hear about people being separated from their families. I am worried too, and I am here to talk and help you feel safe”. Help them know that they are not alone in these feelings.
Have a family plan: Without going into too much detail, teach them the basics.
Who can you call? Who are your safe people?
Maybe this means keeping a card of important contacts in their backpack, cubby, or wherever they may be. This helps create a sense of security.